every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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