I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
