I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
