Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
