So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
