Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
