I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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