Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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