I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
