i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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