I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
