You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
