A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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