I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
