I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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