i can't believe i had my finger in that
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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