we're blogging at a bar
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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