Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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