I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
