I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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