I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
