You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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