i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
