His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
