Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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