I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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