he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
