The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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