Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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