I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize