So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
