I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
