He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
