I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
