I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
