she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
