she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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