One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
