I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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