He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
