I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I pour the whiskey from now on
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
