i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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