I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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