What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
