i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i think i have two assholes
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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