Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
