question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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