I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
