the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
