do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
