I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
