I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
