You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
