Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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