I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
