If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
