I look better un-naked...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
