I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I could make wine with my vomit
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
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sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
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At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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