idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
