wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey