just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Let's get the cat blown out
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
