It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha