You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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