Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
