I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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