so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
