How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
