I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
