easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
