So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
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I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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