Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
