How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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